I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
