hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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