i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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