then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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