my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
