Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
