It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
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