I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
