Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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