Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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