I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
