yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
