Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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