What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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