I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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