What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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