He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
of course. lets lasso hookers.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
