I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
