what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
