So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
