You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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