I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.