Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
