Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
That accounts for only three of the penises
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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