did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
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Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
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The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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