I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
