I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
