Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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