It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we're making bets on your personal life
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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