i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
