I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
