We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
