I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
