I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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