I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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