The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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