I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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