I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
OPIZZABONMYDICK
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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