Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
