Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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