you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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