I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
