Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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