His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
