I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
