my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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