We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
