Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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