is your mom at the bar?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
well you can't waste a boner
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
