get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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