I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
