Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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