you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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