So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
