I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
my liver is dry heaving
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
