And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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