There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize