It's just like the Real World with babies
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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