You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
