The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
