HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
