Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
