at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
