Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
