remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
