Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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