Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
