It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
