that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
